©Danesh Mazloomdoost
“Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. […] Gentle is the one who does ‘not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick.’ Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let’s dress ourselves with gentleness.” –Henri Nouwen
One evening several weeks back, I experienced a transformative moment that continues to stir in me. It was a delicious fall evening. The air was cooling, and the trees were still green. Night had not fallen, but the blue hour was approaching.
My friend and I were leaving his office, laughing about God knows what. When we stepped out, we encountered a young woman in crisis. Her clothes hung off her bony frame, she was covered in sores, and she seemed to be doing some sort of distressed dance on the lawn.
I was startled and scared for her, and I froze. My friend maintained his calm. He approached her gingerly and asked what was wrong. His voice was steady and soothing.
The young woman was apparently addicted to heroin, had been clean for seven months, and had recently relapsed after the death of her uncle. She was sobbing. Her story was disjointed, but her fear was clear.
She asked us to call an ambulance to take her to the University of Kentucky hospital. As we waited with her, my friend maintained his compassionate, caring way. He saw her, acknowledged her, and validated her. He trod lightly, listened carefully, looked tenderly, and treated her with reverence. Though I mostly stayed quiet, I held a space of compassion for both of them.
Within about 3 minutes, firefighters, EMTs, and police officers arrived. The lights and sirens were jolting, and it must have been overwhelming for her to suddenly be surrounded by nine men in surgical masks. But they were kind to her and helped her to the ambulance. As she lay on the gurney, she thanked us profusely.
I have always admired my friend’s steady demeanor. He is a gentle soul through and through. That evening he reminded me that gentleness is life-giving. His tender approach fortified a young person in crisis. He helped her find the courage to wait for the ambulance and to maybe seek help.
His gentleness also nourished me. I witnessed its power to soothe and effect change. After a long day at the office, he exercised focus, restraint, and compassion. I aspire to this. I have since deepened my commitment to gentleness and its beauty. I imagine wearing it like a cloak, flowing softly and creating an aura of safety and tenderness.
Inspirations
Thank you for this beautiful, well written post. A great example of how we can be of service to others.