grandmothers

Tiny Tea Set, Lively Energy of Life

February 8, 2019 By Allison

In the realm of space, your life is nothing but the lively energy of life, interconnecting with everything.
–Dainin Katagiri

Every so often, I spread the pieces of my childhood tea set on my bed. It’s in pitiful shape—broken, glued, re-broken, re-glued. I love that I played so hard with these tiny, clumsy cups and plates. I almost remember my gracious, chubby fingers pouring imaginary tea as I brushed wisps of long, brown hair out of my eyes. I can almost see myself breaking piece after piece in my basement playroom.

No one in my family drank tea, so I must have created my own imaginary tea stories. I don’t recall my solo tea parties, yet when I lay my hands on the shards, I access the lively energy of life that children incarnate. This cherished energy still resides deep inside me. Light, open, and expansive, this part of me responds to people who are patient and curious. Sometimes I forget the connections that defy time and geography, but the energy of this homely wabi-sabi children’s tea set transcends place, space, and culture. Through it, I recall that it was a gift from Grandma Rose Mary. She couldn’t have known that tea would become my language and my passion. In this sense, her gift of imaginary tea was prophetic. Grandma’s gift allowed me to create my first tea rituals and to explore what it might mean to share tea with others. My tea rituals have evolved, but I embrace the awkwardness of human connection as it plays out over shared tea moments.

In the realm of space, my life is nothing but the lively energy of life, interconnecting with everything.

Sharing Soup, Sharing Stories

March 4, 2018 By Allison

When it came to throwing a party, my Grandma Rose Mary was a pro. While I was lost in a mass of aunts, uncles, and cousins, she was making the party happen. Her presence was strong yet subtle. Her gatherings taught me to value my extended family.

As a child and then a young adult, I got to know Grandma in more intimate settings. We shared dozens of lunches over the course of many years. During these meals, I learned about her. She and I had attended the same elementary school, and so I loved her stories about the nuns, about early morning music lessons, and about the time she won a radio at field day. As I got older, she told me about her travels to India, Afghanistan, and other places I will probably never see.

Sometimes we dined at the Younkers Tea Room, and sometimes we shared soup in her kitchen. I still see myself in that farm kitchen, seated on a bench against the wall… asking lots of questions, drawing her out, and seeing the stories flow into one another. Once, when I was learning to cook, she passed on a few of her favorite soup recipes. I love her soups and I love that her handwriting is mixed in my messy recipe files.

Grandma Rose Mary’s Ground Beef Soup with Rosie Stars is a winter standard in my home. Over the years, I have adapted it to my tastes. Although it comes together quickly, it has smooth, rich flavors. Tomato juice and Italian parsley lend it brightness. Shredded cabbage makes it mellow. Ground beef and pasta give it heft. I make this soup on Sunday and eat it throughout the week, thinning it with water as needed.

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Last night I dreamt of Manderley…

January 18, 2018 By Allison

I was lucky to have a grandmother who always made it a priority to read what her grandchildren read, as a way to connect to them. For my cousins, she trudged through Harry Potter, even though she did not enjoy fantasy and magic. Grandma also dutifully read the Left Behind series along with my middle school brother. She worried that he was becoming a religious fanatic, but that’s a story for another day.

As a young girl, I took it for granted that Grandma and I could always talk about books. I was a hungry, speedy reader who was able to read “grown up” books a little early. I was surprised when, one day, Grandma handed me her copy of Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca, paraphrasing the first line: “Last night I dreamt of Manderley…” She thought I might enjoy reading it.

In a flash, our relationship expanded. She no longer had to shift to my level and interests. Now I could go toward her beloved texts. She sensed I was ready.

I remember reading the book feverishly—there was romance, evil, and even a ghost, if memory serves. I must have been in 6^th grade. Today, flipping through Grandma’s 1967 Pocket Cardinal Edition, I realize that 419 pages would have been a formidable, appropriate challenge for me. She would not abide vulgar language or sex in novels read by her grandchildren, so my innocence was surely preserved in reading Rebecca.

Now that Grandma is gone and I am grown, I smile to think that my traditional yet fiery grandmother carried Rebecca with her for so many years. From time to time, we’d talk about the novel, and she never failed, hand to chest, to evoke that memorable first line. “Last night I dreamt of Manderley…”

I admit that I have allowed the details of Rebecca to become fuzzy. There was a first wife, a second wife, and a fire. I don’t remember much more. I’m not ready to reread the novel right now. For me, Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca isn’t about plot or strong female characters. It’s about a shared text, a passion for reading, and an enduring intergenerational friendship.

Inspirations

Parul Sehgal’s In Praise of Daphne du Maurier