Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was on this morning’s agenda, but a strained wrist is keeping me cozy at home. I am bummed to miss class and wonder which techniques I’d have practiced—takedowns, choke holds, hooks? But my tender wrist is telling me exactly what I need to do today: rest.
In the last few years, rigorous exercise has taken me out of my mind and placed me squarely in my body. While the language of ideas has always come naturally to me, the language of sports has not. I am a timid athlete. In elementary school, I was too polite to fight for the basketball. As a young tennis player, I had fun learning forehand and backhand but felt overwhelmed by the prospect of lobbing the ball. I grew into a scholar and participated primarily in gentle activities such as hiking, yoga, and brisk walks. Even now, I am competitive with myself but never with others.
I am not drawn to team sports, but strenuous exercise has done wonders for me. Thanks to regular weight training, I’m calmer and steadier in my movements. I am coordinated, strong, and light on my feet. I have learned to listen closely to my body’s messages, and it inevitably tells me what I need to know. Sleep a little more. Blow off steam at the gym. Walk away from this person.
This embodied existence is new to me. Intense exercise has taught me how to balance body and spirit. I have not abandoned a life of the mind, but I am now less likely to get locked in ideas and lost in intellectual questions. I am comfortable in the weight room and seek to be part of an inclusive athletic culture at my gym and on my campus.
Though my confidence has grown in the last two years, I remain intimidated by Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. As I knot my white belt and get ready to step on the mat, I acknowledge a nervous tummy. I feel out of my element. Drills are invigorating and practicing new techniques is stimulating, but putting the pieces together and grappling with classmates overwhelms me. When it becomes too much, I back away and learn through watching rather than doing. I am still dabbling, curious though not quite ready to let myself go in the calculated movements of the martial art. I want to embody the grace of Jiu-Jitsu. When the time is right, my anxiety will melt away, uniting body and spirit.
Inspirations
Excellent. Thank you.